don't leave - vanessa hudgens

I don't know what I'd do if i ever lost you
All the loneliness i would go through
But if you wanna leave i won't stop you

I've been gone so long,
I'm use to feeling alone
I estimated a love
My estimation was wrong
See i never knew
What you were going through
But i just got back
Now let's see where your at

How could you have doubted
That I'd ever be distracted by
Any other guy
No matter if he ever caught my eyes
We just need time, some time to connect
What I'm telling you now, hope you never forget

I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you
And all the loneliness I would go through
But if you wanna leave I wont stop you
'Cause I don't want you if you don't want me
To be the one the only one you wanna run to
Baby boy you know I just begun to
Realize whats important to me
So Don't leave, don't leave

Maybe I should have tried to put your needs first
But my priorities were messed up
And I know you got hurt
See i never knew
What you were going through
But i just got back
Now let's see where your at

Think about it
Take a moment just to rewind
Everything that you believe
And everything that was right
Do you really want to stand there
And tell me goodbye
When I'm saying I Still love you

I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you
And all the loneliness I would go through
But if you wanna leave I wont stop you
'Cause I don't want you if you don't want me
To be the one the only one you wanna run to
Baby boy you know I just begun to
Realize whats important to me
So Don't leave, don't leave

Lonely days and lonely night
That's where you'd be without me by your side
Better think twice baby, oh
This could blow up crazy, you know

I can't keep singing my secret
Cause it's out of control
I'll give you everything
Body, mind, heart and soul
But you keep breaking me
Taking me to another low
Don't do it baby, don't do it
Don't let me go
I don't know, I don't know

I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you
And all the loneliness I would go through
But if you wanna leave I wont stop you
'Cause I don't want you if you don't want me
To be the one the only one you wanna run to
Baby boy you know I just begun to
Realize whats important to me
So Don't leave, don't leave

Baby boy don't leave

** here's to you, boy.. i still do love you :'( seriously..

i'm bored

nihh gini nih gaenaknya sakit dirumah, i'm damn bored guys huaaaa pengen jalan-jalan but my head is spinning duhh ! and by the way since i don't know what to do now, i'd probably just watch tv, which i don't usually do much haha cuma mau ngasih tau aja, my nose is still in a bad condition, hard for me to breathe buaaahhh. why don't anyone come here and get me something i like ? haha to cheer me up you know, males deh ih uda dulu yeaa ? au revoir.. :)

one year six months - Yellowcard

,Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do


**
i swear this song fit in banget sama keadaan gue dan "dia" ! beuhhhh nyesek sekaligus pengen ketawa dengernya juga hehehe i dedicated this song for you.. :)

flu beraaattt

30 nov 08
haduhh gue flu berat nih huhu gaenak banget deh sumpah ! udah 2 hari ini gue gabisa nyium bau disekitar gue gara-gara idung gue mampetnya bener-bener mampet hahahaha, uda gitu suara gue kaya orang bengep, bindeng gitu. malah sempet kaya bapak-bapak ihh amit dehh, soalnya gue radang juga tapi uda mendingan. flu nya ini ga nahan, kuping gue ampe pengeng banget terus kepala pusing keleyengan. alhasil karena gue sakit begini jadi ngga balik ke dorm deh hahahaha aseeeeeeeeeekkk, males banget gue sumpah lagi males bgt sama suasana di dorm. gue mungkin meliburkan diri 2 hari dirumah hehe refreshing gitu, abis butek di asrama kebanyakan problem, mending makan dirumah. tapi gue kangen temen-temen dan hahahahaha

oiya tadi soang menuju sore gitu "dia" nelvon lohh ahahaha senangnyaaa udah lama ga di telvon dia, kangen banget denger suaranya, kangen banget ngobrol sama dia. tapi jadi agak garing gitu tadi, mungkin karena udah lama ngga ngobrol kali ya ? ahahaha tapi tetep aja gue seneng :)

20-11-2008

that day was very hard for me. that day should be my 2nd year anniversary with "him", my best i ever had, the person that i love very much.

i know i was very mean to him, gue cuekin dia gue selingkuhin dia gue sia-siain dia. tapi sumpah gue sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaangggg bangeeettttbgtbgtbgtbgt sama dia, this feeling's never change ! i just don't know how to show it. gue sumpah nyesel banget sama apapun yang uda gue lakuin ke dia, gue uda bikin dia sakit banget dulu, gue ga pernah mikirin perasaan dia, gue terlalu egois, gue cuma mikirin enaknya gue sendiri. padahal dia sayang banget sama gue dan gue tau itu. dulu gapernah kepikiran memori-memori indah antara gue sama dia, ga gue indahin.

tapi sekarang hampir setiap saat gue keinget semua yang udah terjadi dulu. jatuh bangunnya hubungan gue sama dia selalu keinget, masa-masa seneng, sedih, berantem. dari yang awalnya gue setengah mati berusaha supaa bisa sayang sama dia sampe akhirnya gue sayang banget sama dia. dia dulu selalu sabar banget ngadepin gue, dia selalu ngertiin gue, dia selalu sayang sama gue, dia rela sakit hati buat gue, dia rela menderita cuma buat nungguin gue, dia mau lakuin apa aja buat gue asal gue bahagia, dia gamau bikin gue sedih atopun sakit, dia selalu jagain gue dan lindungin gue, dia selalu ngehibur gue kalo gue sedih ato bete, dia selalu bilang kalo dia sayang banget sama gue, dia selalu bantu gue kalo gue kesulitan, dia selalu temenin gue kalo gue butuh. DIA DULU SAYANG BANGET SAMA GUE ! sumpah gue bego banget dulu begoooooo banget !

tapi 4 bulan terakhir dari 17 bulan hubungan gue itu masa-masa yang sulit banget, gue butuh banget perhatian dari dia tapi dianya malah nyuekin gue, alesannya sibuk ngerjain tugas dan sebagainya, sedangkan gue lagi butuh banget dia dan gue lagi banyak masalah, berantem terus bawaannya, mana parah berantemnya sampe dia yang ga pernah marah sama sekali ke gue jadi maki-maki gue terus. dan ada cowo lain yang kasih semua yang gue butuhin itu, jadi gue lari ke cowo itu dan ninggalin dia. sumpah guenyesel banget !

gue kangennn banget sama dia kangen bangetbanget ! gue pengen banget bisa muter balik waktu dan balik lagi ke masa-masa itu, gue bakal perbaikin kesalahan-kesalahan gue dan gue ga akan pergi dari dia. gue pengenn bangeeetttt peluk dia sekarang, kangennya parah ngga nahan ! kalo aja gue bisa peluk dia sekarang ga akan gue lepas lagi, gue bakal peluk yang kenceng ga akan gue biarin dia pergi dari gue. su sadar sekarang gue sayang banget sama dia. susah banget buat lupain dia, terlalu banyak hal yang uda terjadi antara gue sama dia. 17 bulan itu bukan waktu yang sebentar, dan semuanya udah direncanain rapih banget.

but wake up risty, you're not with him anymore ! he's on the process of reaching someone else. you have to deal with it ! you have to accept the truth, reality.. i know it's very hard but i know you can.. come on risty, just enjoy your life.. but i still do love him, and i can't stand it :'(

just broke up :(

November 28th 2008,

i broke up with ramo. actually he broke up with me. i know it's a short relationship, but i think it's best for us, i don't wanna hurt him, i never wanted. but he's hurt, because i love someone else..

duhh i don't know what else to say, maybe just "i'm sorry ramo, i've done my best and i've never meant to hurt you. i do love you, but maybe not as much as i love him. i'm sorry, you're such a nice guy, and we're still close friends, i love you :)"

090908 - 281108

last cheerleading competition (noooo)

friday, November 21st was my last cheerleading competition. because after november, grade 12 students must stop doing extra curricular activities. ohhh goshhh it's so very hard for me because i love cheering so much like i love chocolates, i'm addicted to it. it can make me feel happier when i'm in a bad mood..

well that was one bad performance though, because we were lack of a member of the squad because i did a technical mistake on rehearsal right on the competition day, and also our preparation was not enough because we only had 3 times of full practice. but the stunts and pyramids were amazing, they were high-level and more difficult than what we had before, and there were some additions in the dance routine which we liked. and that day we wore a new uniform, which looks like superman's hahaha the design was cool but the color was wrong, it should be red but the tailor made it a bit orange, but we like the way it looks at the field though, so eye catching and cool ! :))

we didn't really make it that time, because some of our pyramids were fall down. we had the feeling that God didn't let us to join the competition. because there were so many rocks along the way. first, some of our best members couldn't join, then rains whenever we do practices, the uniforms are late, we did'nt have much time for practice, and so on. but still we joined it because we thought that was our last chance to go on a competition for the 12 graders. but hell, we failed. we got the 5th place of 8 participants. that's quite good since we only had 3 times practices. still, we're glad. but we were very sad of failing, remembering that that was our last competition. but we promised our coach (ka jacky) that we'll be back for the next year's national to win ! aminnnn.. ;p

pictures nyusul yaaa hehe

my twin sister - baby deca

hello guys, this time i'd like to introduce you one of the people that i love most ! she is my twin swister Monica Noeva Tandung, you can call her ica.. but i have lots of nicknames for her haha like ica, deca, baby deca, baby babi, baby princess hihihi do you know why i call her my twin sister ? we're not actually real twins though, but our birth date and place are the same ! November 9th 1992, Rumah Sakit Ibu dan Anak Eva Sari - Rawamangun, and even the time is almost the same like about 8 o'clock in the morning lahh hahaha i swear i'm not lying to you, it might be quite hard to believe because mostly people that have the same birthday only have the same birthdate haha. and what's more insane, we always have the same experience in life (well mostly lah haha). she's such a fun girl, you'd love to be her friend. she laughs very much just like me hahahaha :DD

we almost do everything together. we have fun together. we pissed off together. we get mad together. we're sad together. we're happy together. we're crazy together.

i love her so very damn much, she's like my own twins not just a friend, not just a best friend ! i talk everything with her, i tell her everything, and so does she. and everytime i want to cry, she's the right place to lean on, and if i'm sad and she would cry too and then she'd hug me.. it's like she feels what i'm feeling. and if someone hurts me, she'll get mad and she'll protect me. i always do the same thing for her too though. she means a lot to me :)



i love you baby decaaaaa muaaaaaahhh !

next stop = university targets

aduhhh ngga kerasa ya gue uda kelas 12 aja, terus bentar lagi mau UAN yang artinya mau lulus - lulusan SMA ! i'm not ready for the final exam, but i am soooooo ready to get out of my school, but i'm not so ready to leave highschool years.. too many memories though haha and by the way i have to set up my mind about what will i take for university.. and i have made some though, i wish they're the best, but well God will lead me to what's the best right ? ahaha so these are my alternatives ..

Perguruan Tinggi Negeri :

• Universitas Indonesia - Administrasi Niaga, FISIP
• Universitas Indonesia - Ilmu Hubungan Internasional, FISIP

Swasta - Indonesia :

• Universitas Indonesia Inter - Business and Management
• Prasetya Mulya - Bussines Administration
• Swiss German University - International Business and Languages
• Trisakti - Desain Produk
• Trisakti - Kelas Internasional
  

Swasta - Abroad :

• UCLA - Business and Management
• UCLA - French Studies
• UC Berkeley - Economics
• Yale - Business Administration
• Stenden University - Small Business and Retail Management
• Hague Hogeschool - International Business and Management

aduuhhh i'm scared lohh seriously.. help me with you prayers yaa semoga aja gue bisa keterima dan masuk ke salah satu univ yang gue tuju diatas.. tapi kalo bisa banyak keterimanya jadi gue bisa milih hehehehe yang paling utama adalah UI ! ahahaha dan UCLA hehehehe aminnnnnnn :))

tryout results damn

waaaaaaaa gila ! gue di BTA uda 3 kali tryout tapi hasilnya butek-butek semuaa ! none of them bagus you know ! nih ya gue kasi tau berapa... :

• Tryout 1 = 22%

• Tryout 2 = 26%

• Tryout 3 = 29%

emang sih makin lama makin meningkat tapi dikit - dikit banget and waaaaayyyyy far from what should and expected to get ! kan gue punya target passing grade buat jurusan yang mau gue ambil entar kuliah, those tryouts are the reflection of my spmb result kan ? nentuin gue dapet perguruan tinggi negri ato engga.. aduhh scaryyy abiss ! amin gue dapet tapi gue pengen masuk UI ! hahahaha

malang kota kenangan hahaha

heyhoooo ! mau cerita nihh, my class (XII-Social) had a trip to KOTA MALANG, east java to join an economics olympiad hahaha 16 of us went there, it was supposed to be the whole class but some of us couldn't join because of their own reasons.. (ada yang curang mau nonton konser rihanna, tapi eh ujung2nya konsernya dibatalin haha gara2 gosip pengeboman karena si amrozi mau dihukum mati itu hahaha) jadi ga serame yang dibayangkan. tapi mau gimana juga kelas gue itu selalu rame kaya pasar haha jadi mau cuma berapa orang juga bakal rame banget hahahahaha

we departed from cikarang on thursday afternoon, november 13th 2008 by a super executive bus Lorena hahaha biar super executive juga masa ada kecoa gitu didalemnya ahaha najeeeesss ! and the trip was exhausting because we had to travel to Malang for 20 hours hahaha gila langsung sengkle pantat gua hahaha but that was fun, we had a few stops somewhere to eat dinner and breakfast. but along the way, gue lebih banyak diem daripada ketawa, meratapi nasib ngerasa keilangan "dia" banget gitu huhu he has changed, everything has changed.. tapi gue juga nyanyi2 sama bapit, ato becanda sama temen2 tapi kalo lagi pada tidur gue nangis sedih.. mana gue kesepian banget gada yang sms gue, gue sms omar ga dibales2, gue sms dia ngga ngenakin balesnya huhu menyedihkan banget gue selama di jalan..

but after we arrived in Malang, a new adventure started ! ceilahh bahasa gue bo ga nahan hahaaha yepp but that's true ! gue kaya jadi orang yang gapunya beban sama sekali disana padahal banyak masalah, udah gitu beban buat olimpiadenya itu haha tapi gue malah nyantai aja belajar boro - boro haha ! temen-temen juga ngerasa gitu ! kita bener-bener have fun, kaya refreshing..

disana kita main gitar nyanyi-nyanyi menggila gitu hahaha, tidur rame-rame ribut ampe malem.. kan kita tinggal dirumahnya lia yang di Malang ampe tantenya ngomelin kita hahah parah deh ih gangguin orang sekompleks hahahaha uda gitu kita nyobain ke yang namanya Malang Town Square alias Matos hahaha kocak abis haha uda gitu disana mencar - mencar kan eh ada yang nyariin gue hehehehe ;p kita uan-ujanan juga di Universitas Negri Malang haha seru beneran ampe basah semua padahal baru aja mandi abis 20 jam di perjalanan.. kita disana sampe hari minggu tanggal 16 november, baliknya buru-buru gitu ngejar bis.. kita emang ga ada yang menang olimpiadenya, tapi lumayanlah gue sama tim gue si bedil dapet peringkat 47 dari 185 tim hahaha lumayan banget kan ?? padahal sama sekali ga ada persiapan, niat kita kesana cuma main-main doang hahahah senangnyaaa

mungkin Tuhan sengaja ngirim gue kesana buat refreshing dari segala hal yang gue pikirkan hahaha malah i got some sweet memories lohhhhhhhhhh hahahaha !!! seseorang yang pernah ngisi hidup gue tapi abis itu pergi gitu aja, dia ngisi gue disana.. dia bikin gue seneng bikin gue lupa sama apa yang gue pikirin selama di jakarta ! sumpahh gue makasih banget sama dia uda ngukir sesuatu yang bikin gue glad :) thanks yeaaa.. hehehe

trima kasih Tuhan kau telah memberikan kesempatan bagiku untuk menikmati masa SMA ini haha halahh apa sih gue gajelas ya ? byeee.. pictures menyusul yaaaaa hehe ciao !

love hurts :'(

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?
I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

~ Love Hurts - Incubus

yeaaaa i absolutely agree with that song ! love does hurt ! but sometimes it's a good hurt hahaha silly but true though. and in my life i've felt so many hurts about love, and the hapiness about it too. and i usually can't stand being hurt because of love.. :(

kaya sekarang contohnya, gatau kenapa pas temen-temen ngeledekin "dia" sama si "itu" gue kayanya sakit gitu.. awalnya gue bisa tahan dan bisa banget gue tutupin, tapi sejak dia bilang kalo dia suka beneran sama itu gue langsung kaya dihantem batu hati gue ! sakit banget shock banget ! gue sendiri bingung kenapa gue ngerasa gitu sih ? padahal tadinya gue biasa aja ke dia, gue malah nyuekin dia, tiap dia sms gue bales ogah2an malah sering ga gue bales ato ampe dia harus berkali-kali sms baru gue bales, terus kalo dia telvon ada aja alesan gue biar udahan ato engga gue suruh orang lain angkat, ato malah gue reject ! huaaa yang lebih parah kadang kalo dia nyamperin gue guenya malah menjauh gitu ngehindar.. i was so meaaaaaaaaannn !

kenapa gue sekarang ngerasa kaya kehilangan banget gitu dan sedih banget ya ? kenapa gue begini ?! gue kan uda punya cowo.. kenapa sihh ahhhhhh ??? arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhh !

my best birthday ever ! ;D

November 9th 2008
Sweet 16 :)

whoaaaaaaaa seriously it was my birthday ever ! gapernah gue seseneng itu pas birthday, soalnya biasanya gue sial mulu hahaha nasib emang, ada aja masalah tiap birthday gue.. but this year's different baby, it's made me feel delightful actually. let me tell you about it.

jadi gini, sabtunya tanggal 8 kan gue BTA tuh tapi cuman ampe jam 1 doang soalnya gue harus latian cheers di senayan buat lomba. tapi omar ngajak jaan abis itu, dya ga bilang mau kemana tapi nyuruh gue pake baju semi formal gitu. kan gue pikirannya bisa pulang dulu abis latian, tapi dya bilang gada waktu kalo gue pulang dulu akhirnya gajadi pake baju semi formal. katanya ingrid sih tadinya gue mau diajak dinner dimana gitu hahaha gatau deh, ampe ingrid juga uda siapin sepatu sama baju hahaha tapi akhirnya gue, omar, ingrid, tondy, reza jalan ke sency dehh hihihihi

di sency kita makan, jalan muter-muter, terus nonton Quantum of Solace tapi ga seru gitu gue kurang suka filmnya, i like Die Another Day a lot better than that. Omar aja ampe nanya ke gue apa sih maksudnya ga ngerti aku ?! hahahahah dodol ya dia ? nah pas lagi nonton sempet berantem gitu hahaha ampe mau keluar bioskop, tapi filmnya nanggung uda mau selesai hahahaha akhirnya pas keluar bioskop baikan gitu ahaha terus ketemu bonyok gue and adekadek gue and eyang gue gitu kita, abis itu gue omar ingrid tondy ke starbucks, eh berantem lagi tapi berempat hahahha dodol banget. eh abis itu baikan lagi kog tapi.

pulangnya telat banget ! harusnya jam 9 uda jalan dari sency buat anter ingrid dulu, eh jam 11 baru jalan gara2 reza main dulu kerumah permen hahahaha kasian dia rada sakit ati gitu pas kesana, terus alhasil di mobil kita ngantuk2 ria kecapean gitu haha. pas mau keluar tol kerumah ingrid kita ngeliat kecelakaan gitu, ampe panik terus si tondy gamau nyetir pulang gara2 takut hahahhaa aduh ribet banget emang serem sihh ! tapi abis itu nganter kerumah gue si reza nyetir ati2 banget padahal uda telat gitu. nah, midnight (9th november 2008) pas dimobil, i was right beside my bf omar, and then he said "happy birthday sayangkuuu", then he kissed my cheek aawww hahaha terus tondy and reza said happy birthday too hahahaha i was very happy. terus pas nyampe dirumah gue, tondy reza turun gitu dari mobil, so tinggal gue sama ramo di mobil, he gave me a present huahahaha and then he said he loves me so much, he didn't want to let me go.. i was impressed.. he's so lving that time.. :) thank you very much ramo..

malemnya pas balik ke asrama, kan apel malem ada ritual seperti biasa.. DISIRAM AIR KEMBANG ! ahahahahaha iyepp my twin sister ica and I maju deh terus disiram berdua kita gandengan kenceng banget, karena dingin.. seneng banget cewe2 kelas 12 ips maju semua, plus willy, panjul, omar, and.. radhi jugaa hehehehe padahal tahun2 sebelumnya di presiden even my girlfriends didn't come to the front to pour down the water but i was very happy this birthday ! it was, my best birthday ever ! :))

hello i'm back !

heyy it's been a month and a half since i last wrote to you yaa.. i'm so very sorry soalnya i've been very busy lately, and there's no time to be online. selama sebulan ini banyaaakkk banget yang terjadi, i will write about it one by one later yaa.. but this month has always been the worst month every year of my life, even though my birthday is in this month ! still it crushes me again and again, gatau emang bulan sial buat gue kali ya ? pathetic abis gue tiap bulan november ! huhuuu
okay then i'll start after this yaa ? oke ?

see you guys later :)